![[icon]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/27862353/2145350) |
girl, you know it's true.
|
|
summer's not been too bad, all in all. something shifted after i came back from new york; maybe it was a new acceptance of my city (or what some-- like my sister would call "settling" or "getting too comfortable" ah, to be an idealistic teenager again) and the heat that a texas summer brings. when the 3-digit heat sets in for the season i get that 2 seconds of delicious contrast when i step out from an air conditioned building/car and into the blazing sun. after 2 seconds, however, the upper lip starts to sweat...among other places. and it is admittedly a feverish downhill run from there.
each time i take more than a few days away from jazzercise before going back in, i know i'm in for pain. the pain doesn't start to invade until 2 days after the 1st day back, but is less painful if i go 2 days in a row. so if i rest and take a day off after the 1st day back, i hurt more. amazing how the body works, isn't it? currently a whole new subset of muscles are panging to make me acutely aware of how my body moves. my armpits hurt. my inner thighs are making me walk crudely, bowleggedly. when go to the bathroom i have to ease into a sitting position, wincing all the way. but i have to say the soreness is good. even if there aren't results, it makes me more conscious of my body; how it moves and how i carry myself. i straighten my back more and engage my abs more often. it also helps to get a nice massage and stretch, to have someone slowly pull at my limbs like their personal corpulent fleshy pilates machine.
um, but then yesterday we ate 2 for 1 wednesday pineapple swiss cheeseburgers and fries at huts and followed it with splitting a coffee toffee twisted frosty while lazing on the couch watching house hunters. so.
| comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| hm. i've briefly dipped my most tentative toe in the waters of austin real estate. while the excitement of buying and living in a house all by myself is really scary/exciting, the reality of seeing what i can actually afford is just plain scary.
i initially wanted to stay in east austin, but after searching a little online in that neighborhood, have determined that i can only afford either an empty lot or a lot with a shack on it that is "paperwork ready for demolition! great rebuilding opportunity!!!" unless of course i want to go very very far east, like more east than the airport where there are houses i may actually live in.
if i want to stay centrally and in my budget, i'm looking at houses built in the 60s and 70s, some of which have been remodeled to look like the mid to late 80's/early 90's. huh.
south austin is an option, but how far south am i willing to go? onion creek? as it is, a handful of friends live up north and i barely see them because the trek is gas guzzling and time-consuming. i don't really want to stray so far from the area that made me love austin enough to look for a house in the first place.
foreclosures sound super exciting and have that diamond in the rough/ shuffling through thrift stores and coming across a real find feeling, but there are so many listed and all without pictures! how does one navigate those? plus jesse told me stories he'd read about people that were so livid at the circumstances of being shoved out of their home that they'd do horrible things like shit in the air conditioning vents and break pipes and create water damage behind shower tiles. you know, to get back at the banks.
oi. i tell myself that i am jumping to conclusions without the help of a professional and that i can't lose my optimism and my "i'm willing to look for as long as it takes to find exactly what i want for my money" outlook, but it is tough. meanwhile i am getting in contact with people, watching HGTV and swaying between horror and anticipation. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i think i associate big worry with extreme stomach behavior just because they are usually tied. i get the nervous poops or tummy churning anxiety occasionally, or in rare cases, i lose my appetite completely when somebody has done something horrific to my heart.
that's kind of how i feel this time, but there's no heartache in this case. i guess i am fairly used to having a stomach of steel so when something upsets it (other than gas), i am surprised. it is pretty rare. i still can't tell if it is something i ate (i had some maybe questionable room temp lox the day i left nyc) or a virus i caught (i rubbed up against many a smelly, equally questionable person in nyc).
so naturally, because it is something new and foreign, i push it. like a scab or a pimple, i see how far i can go to make things go back to normal. i try to force my appetite by testing out smells to see if they still make me nauseated. they do. at the tiniest twinge of hunger i try to dive back into a normal dinner. again, nausea afterward.
i don't want it to turn out like the last time i felt this way (it lasted about 3 weeks). i was a weak, tired, incomprehensible mess. the whole time i felt like a cracking shell, but then again last time i was emotionally very upset.
i want to be able to jazzercise again and eat fun meals and power through the day instead of just following through, weakly. i tried going to jazzercise today in the hopes that it would kick my appetite back in to gear (i am usually starving after jazzercise, it is normally all i can do to keep from eating my own fists), but no go. i half-assed jazzercise which made me feel stupid, and i felt like i was going to fall over. i'm not sure if it is a good idea to keep pushing myself too soon. i thought i had given myself enough time (3 days), guess not. i'll wait a little longer before i push the limits again; when i feel good and ready and strong again.
i just miss tasting! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | sorry, did i say that everyday life was manageably messy? it turns out i can't really manage it after all, not sanely anyway. everything built up and i had one of my blowouts where i finally let myself be indulgent and sad and upset about life. sometimes i just get so angry and sad about everything; i am made of piss and vinegar. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i once wrote about my fears of being like miss havisham when i get older and about settling for less than you expected; let us now take a look at the extreme opposite for me to fear (because worrying is my favorite, you know-- it was passed down for generations of women on my mother's side):
there is a lady (i'll call her marge), an acquaintance of mine, and she is what i believe would be classified as a cougar. or rather, i think she might be honored to be called this sort of carnivorous feline creature. she has a child (maybe a few?) who is moving back to...wherever marge lived before she moved to austin. marge is moving near me to be closer to "the action," as she calls it. she's renting a room in a townhouse with a "younger couple." now that her child/children are moving away, she is looking forward to getting out there and singling it up and out and all over the place.
one of her favorite watering holes, as she has informed me (and invited me to), is a restaurant/bar in north austin that is, by numerous accounts, a cougar bar. she's extolled to me the scads of available men there, and how fun it is-- while others inform me that there is the scent of older desperation in the air mixed in with the alcohol and cologne.
marge likes to reminisce, in her husky voice, tales of a former pastry chef lover, of a sensitive indian lover and of (of course) a much younger lover. her eyes go glassy when she talks about her past in terms of these men, and while her stories are somewhat entertaining, they lack the...sophistication you'd imagine of a mysterious, glamourous, well-lived older french woman (perhaps the original cougars, or pumas, you could call them). while she dresses fairly suitably (in your standard what not to wear rules), her marlboro miles and slightly leathered skin distinguish her as the tawdry american semi-replica.
and yet, she is excited to get out there. why, i cannot imagine. at 27 i feel like i've almost had enough, i more or less want to give up this whole ridiculous game in an attempt to win some purported prize that's supposedly waiting out there for me. do i really want to try and try again and eventually end up with stories like marge's? will i, someday, at 40+, after decades of trying, still be concealing and tucking and coloring myself to go to a bar for a few hours in the hopes of catching a lover to add to my repetoire? i think, right now, that i'd rather die.
bravo marge, you are braver than me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i wish i had hit this portion of my life 5 or 6 years ago, when it was somewhat normal to act this much a fool; before everyone else started settling down and getting serious. and before i had this more serious job that i can't just pull off on autopilot. i wish that i knew then what i know now, but of course, i am always saying that.
but then i read stuff like this, about this girl who is one year younger, and i feel better just knowing that someone out there can probably relate, if not trump my stories tenfold.
also, just for the record, my horoscope says that something terrible will happen to my feet this week. so let's see!
edit 4/19/09: since the week is nearly over, i feel safe in saying that nothing too terrible happened to my feet. the skin from a blister came off and there was some minor pain + i've been working them extra hard with jazzercise and dancing, but nothing too horrible. triumph!
| | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | calm | | Time: | 10:02 pm |
|
| between yesterday and today, i've actively taken part in establishing a sort of calmness inside my home, a kind of therapeutic mission. i didn't realize at the time, though. i just sort of hummed along for a couple hours in my kitchen, methodically preparing dinner.
it had been a little while since i had made something substantial in my kitchen. a casserole, some baked chicken, roasted veggies, etc... yes, but not something new and exciting and a little bit time consuming. and most importantly, methodical. so i made my first risotto yesterday, a dish that requires a fair amount of checking in and stirring. it's a slow, pudding-y (have been obsessed with proper puddings and creamy, eggy, proper pudding texture, but that's another story) dish, where you need a heavy pan/pot to keep the heat even. little by little, i added broth and gave it a swirl or two before i set about doing something else, like slicing salmon or zesting lemon. then i'd check back in, stir a bit more and check to see when my spoon left an empty trail that needed to be filled with another ladle of broth. it was cool to see the starches release from the rice, to see the turning point when all of the sudden broth and butter and white wine turned into a sauce, opaque and rich.
even better is sharing things like this, when there is someone to guinea pig alongside. because while i love sharing my kitchen successes, there are only a few people i allow to be the first tasters, if any. it's kind of vulnerable.
and today has been much the same, only in making my bed. sometimes when i redress the bed it's a utilitarian affair; the changing of the sheets. but every once in a while, my mood is in the right place and i take more time in fluffing pillows or pulling fitted sheets tightly. (i have to admit, part of the reason i'm typing right now is just to keep me from my bed until a decent hour so i don't wake up in the middle of the night.)
i know some people think martha stewart and hgtv and all of that sort of domesticity is an exhibit of a kind of materialism or obsessive-compulsiveness. but i know for sure that there is something very satisfying in making something all by yourself, for yourself. because while the rest of my life is going haywire (not necessarily in a bad way, and nothing i haven't been able to handle), i know that i can always come home to my little place and feel warm and accepted and comforted for my efforts. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i don't care how trite it is, i love the soundtrack to nick and norah's infinite playlist. it plays exactly as it should; the perfect mixtape for a movie packed with subtle (for high school) emotional displays; the perfect mixtape for accompanying pretty much any young person's life. who cares if i'm 27 and loving the same thing a junior high kid is?
i don't care how trite it is that I hate being the weird girl at work. for all of my eye-rolling when other people complained of the exact same issue, (i'd hear "oh, i'm SO different, i'm SO unique, people at work just don't GET me) i can sort of understand what they mean now. but of course, my issue isn't that that I'M so different, but that they are all SO the SAME. i wish they'd try to live a little, or at least be open to exploration. don't let working in a cube mean that you live in a cube! get out there and see what people are talking about every once in a while! don't let yourself get as old as your number and resign! overall i don't care so much; i'm just there to do what i do and do it to the best of my ability in order to develop and to make a name for myself. but dang if it doesn't make me a little less excited about life and humanity sometimes. it makes me worry about my peers, generally.
i don't care how trite and overplayed romantic-drama scenarios are; they are always more real when they're happening to you. sure, my problems are always going to be clear and cut/dry situations to everyone else not caught in them. i'm trying to not fuck up my life, basically, and that is not easy.
i have to keep in check that life is bigger than the little trite things that give me pause from time to time. in the end, the life lived is one's own, so i just have to try to make of it the most i can. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| when something goes wrong and you're involved, i don't see how anyone could not automatically blame themselves. that is my first reaction, unless it is something like a natural disaster, i suppose. no matter my part in the final demise, large or small, the first thing i think of are the things that i did incorrectly or failed. i'm not sure if this is normal or not. i bet there are hyper-confident, arrogant people that never think they are to blame (but secretly, i think they do and are either in denial or able to forget about it completely in a minute or so), but i happen to not be one of them.
regardless, no matter how many times i am told that something is not my fault or there was nothing i could have done, i may pretend to believe them, but secretly i am still constantly berating myself inside. it takes me a long time to get over my personal faults and flaws, probably longer than is healthy, i admit. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| 2008 was a crazy, adventurous year in an unexpected way. it was like a foreign silence, but a force nonetheless. as in past years, my life got flipped around a little bit, uprighted, then flipped again, ending with a depressing fizzle.
i apologize for my silence, in advance. i'm worried that my tendency nowadays is to keep my really big problems to myself, instead of seeking help from peers and friends, as has been my past MO. i'm not sure which method is better. maybe this is increasing lunacy, maybe this is maturity, i'm not quite certain. i also apologize for the lack of explanation and details. i don't know what to say about my stuff.
to end on a positive note, here's to 2009. may it be full of more turbulence and mistakes, all of which to enrich a soul! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | come on! let's boogey to the elf dance! - sufjan stevens | | Subject: | additions | | Time: | 09:55 pm |
|
| i made a couple of internet purchases for christmas gifts this year, and i am nervous about them getting here in time for me to wrap and give. i don't buy often enough off of the internet (especially during the holidays) for me to feel confident about their arrival times. the last one, made a scant 5 minutes ago, was a sort of impulse-buy addition to a gift i had formerly thought completed. i really cross my fingers that it will get its pretty booty over here in time for the big gift exchange. and oooh, do i want to say what it is! (i splurged and got one for myself as well)
i spent hours of last night elbows deep in brown sugar chocolate chip cookie dough (which is mostly butter and sugar, with a little flour in there just to make it barely a cookie and not a toffee brittle). i'm serious. i brought out my biggest bowl, which until then was just decorative, but is now an item of function and beat and stirred and spooned out dough until it was all gone. by the time jesse got here, i was pretty close to losing my mind completely, surrounded by piles of flat, crispy-chewy cookies. everywhere i turned there was a stack of cookies. i could barely stand them anymore. i set him to work, ordering him to eat the (delicious) misshapes while i tried to figure out where to put them all.
i thought i was pretty silly to enter in the office's cookie exchange (what a way to guarantee weight gain over the holidays), and now that i've got the cookies from said exchange, i'm pretty sure i was right, but not for the reasons you'd think. i've barely touched them, i'm so sick of cookies. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | snows | | Time: | 09:26 pm |
|
| last night, right before bedtime, jesse spotted snow outside! he and i dashed outside to my balcony, where we watched the snow come down in huge flakes. he turned on the lights and we reached out our arms and let them fall and melt, fall and melt until our sleeves were wet and cold. and then we stuck our faces and heads farther out into the snow and caught the snow in our hair and noses and tongues. i ran back in and grabbed our coats so we could stay out there longer, looking out into the sky of snow falling; "it's like we're on the inside of a snowglobe,"
tonight he is with a friend that moved out from his and his girlfriend's shared apartment after a bad breakup (the girlfriend is a bitch, as i understand it); now all his friend wants to do is look at chicks and get drunk. it's an understandable testosterone-y part of the process, i guess. after helping him move out this afternoon, jesse went with him to twin peaks where, by all accounts, they had a nasty server and nasty service while dining among desperate and nasty dudes. his friend wants to go to a strip bar. (this is where my breath halts as jesse tells me the story over the phone) jesse convinces him not to (i exhale, relieved), but instead suggests they just drink at home with other dude-pals.
i started making a mix tonight on my itunes, titled twenty seven. mix twenty five is a dischordant 10 song ode to the word morose. or sedate, at least. i skipped twenty six. twenty seven is hopeful, soulful and even a little dancy.
so he comes over tonight, after calling and explaining, to pick up his bottles of spirits that he has left over here. after some negotiation, we agree that he will take the rums i bought that i don't drink in exchange for the bottle of stoli strawberry that i like to drink when he makes "strawberry milk" (horchata and stoli). i was in the middle of drawing some birds, art stuff spread all over the floor. we have kissyfacetime. he makes me into an eskimo by drawing the down comforter all around my head. after more kisses, he leaves to go drink with the dudes. i resume drawing my birds on the floor while listening to twenty seven, inexplicably happy. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i finished up an unexpectedly long day (thought i was going to get to leave early; ended up staying late) at the office and headed to hobby lobby, where i met up with jenelle. she found out i can (somewhat) embroider after i made her a dishtowel with a pinafored little girl on it, so she requested a cell phone cover. or as she calls it, a koozie. but i refuse to be associated with any koozies or anything koozie-like, so it is a cell phone pocket. she picked out pink fleece, and i embroidered a multi-colored seussian house on the front while we watched top chef.
my eyes are tired, but my brain is restless. you don't know how hard it was to leave a half-finished project at someone else's house. (next time, i will stich the actual pocket together.) it was so close to being finished, but it was getting late.
oh! i just noticed out of the corner of my eye that my paper towels have been restocked! i love it when i happen across cute surprises like that! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| yay! time warner and i finally kissed and made up, and so after several attempts to fix and/ or make appointments that various people never showed for (water under the bridge, tw, water under the bridge...for now), i have the internet at home again! no more checking facebook at work...er, less, anyway- no more wondering what people are doing on twitter, no more thinking of all the things i'd like to livejournal and then not doing it because i don't have the guts to blog at work!
last night and tonight i have been cooking. yesterday it was just me in here and i made a pot of spicy tortilla chicken soup with extra garlic and lime (to kick this mild cold out of my body for good) and a pan of pumpkin chocolate chip squares. tonight (with jesse as taster and awestruck admirer), i baked a (costco) pot pie*, made a big giant pot of orange cranberry sauce and baked another pan of pumpkin chocolate chip squares. the sauce and pans of pumpkin squares will go to various potlucks and/or my family's thanksgiving.
i am loving thanksgiving and i am loving all the pretty red rubies cooling on top of my stove.
*i will most likely never buy this pot pie again. i had always been curious about it, but now i know-- boy is it a giant, rich, heavy pot pie that tastes mostly like salt and fat. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| sorry i have not written in a long time, livejournal. since we last talked, a hurricane hit my state (and ruined amy and jeff's house) and i turned 27 (yesterday-ish).
i am exhausted most of the time. i am hoping really hard that this has nothing to do with turning 27. i am pretty sure that it has mostly to do with work being badbadbad, a mild but lingering sinus infection and lots of doing productive-type things (that are necessary) and not doing as many lazy things as i would like. it might also have to do with a boy (who makes me happy) that is with me a lot. i bet in the next couple weeks or so that things will take an upturn, they usually do. people can't stay in the trenches all of the time.
this has not much to do with anything, but i have this one little book that meagan and i put together a long time ago when we were in college. one of her design courses had just taught her how to bind books, so we had this idea to make a book with pages made from all of the multi-colored flyers posted all around campus. we spent a day gathering turquoise, yellow, hot pink, beige, green, red pages from bulletin boards, the ground (if they were in good condition) and the hands of well-meaning west mallers. it took a while for me to actually write in my book because i wanted it to be super-special. so i titled the book "things i made myself!" and i'm slowly filling it with carefully (for the most part) hand-written recipes that have made it into my repertoire. if i have made something at least 3 times and consistently loved it, it goes in there. anyway, the long and short of this whole story is that yesterday, as i wrote in 2 more recipes, i noticed that i have THREE chocolate chip cookie recipes in there! pumpkin chocolate chip, banana chocolate chip and brown sugar chocolate chip. i didn't realize i was such a huge fan! i guess there is something about chocolate chip cookies that makes me feel good about giving them to people.
anyway, this is as profound as i get right now, i'm afraid. i'm lame and tired, and frankly, a little out of practice! | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | free | | Time: | 10:36 pm |
|
| my head aches a little today, but i don't mind. this is the kind of mild throb that happens when you sleep until 11, eat some scrambled eggs, cuddle back up in bed again and sleep until 1. this is the appropriate response to a week so nasty and exhausting that you cry more weeknights than not.
in order to properly continue cultivating this reassuring headache (because headaches like this just remind you that you are alive, and sometimes to be alive means feeling a little bit of pain to make sure you can still feel), you must go to a fast-foodery and order 2 milkshakes, one for you and one for your friend, who you are helping today. you see your friend in her new classroom, where she will be teaching 3rd grade. for the next few hours, you sort papers, punch holes, cut out rectangles, and sharpen a mug full of pencils. each time you empty the pencil shavings into the trashcan, you make a barfing noise.
then, even though the work was only for a couple of hours, the milkshake has woven its way into your system, spilling bright pink viscousness through your veins and travel paths to your legs and arms and brains. limbs start to get heavy, your eyelids fall. it was at this point that i surrendered to sleep again and slept the rest of the afternoon and evening away.
so here i am now, freshly showered and resisting the texts from fried chicken russell to see him bartend at the lesbian bar. i lazily watched some olympics and then some food network reject shows about cheese. i have a slight ache on the left side of my head, but i don't mind, not at all. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| things have quieted down a tiny bit around here, but since this is me we're talking about, i doubt this will be for long :) the truth is, the sudden quiet is disturbing to me, though i know it is necessary. i complain and complain about never getting enough sleep, but this weekend i had the luxury of napping in the afternoon both saturday and sunday-- and while it felt so great at the time, i didn't feel so great afterward. and for having no plans nor company after saturday night, my only priorities today were to get groceries and fill up my gas tank. it has been my most alone time in a while, i guess. it sounds okay enough, but for some reason, i am feeling a deficit of sorts.
friday night amy came over to stay, and after asking what she wanted to eat (pizza), we decided to go to two places to get a slice at each and end the night at tomunchi. she wanted to try some of the new pizza places that had sprouted up after she moved away, and i wanted to try a couple new places instead of going to the same few places i always go (homeslice; east side pies). i should also note that jesse and i had done something similar a few nights prior; we compared a slice at east side pies (my favorite) to a slice at the onion (his favorite), finishing off with a slurpee each.
anyway, amy and i got a slice each at the mellow mushroom, which took forever for them to make. when we got our slices though, we were very pleased. the meatballs amy got on hers were really good and the combination of bbq tofu and onion on mine was something i'll gladly get again. then we got a slice at the parlor-- which did me in. i groaned uncontrollably. it was just too much. i don't know if it was digestion time (we tried going to the north loop parlor first but left because of a loud band and limited seating) or that the slices were really thick and doughy, but we couldn't quite finish our slices, though we came close. i kind of can't believe we made it to tomunchi afterward. i am glad we went to both pizza places though, because i bumped into my friend julie dee at the parlor, who is moving to China for a year very soon, and was having her going away party saturday night.
so amy and i woke up the next morning, and even though i wasn't all that hungry, we decided to eat brunch at hoover's. oh my god their breakfast is SO good. their breakfast is way better than their regular lunch or dinner food. though i only saw/tasted amy's and mine, just sampling those things alone makes me confident that the rest of their breakfast is delicious as well. highlights: amy's sweet potato pancakes, my cheddar cheese garlic grits. the combination of having that much food in me and also just the usual attempt at work-week recovery had started to make my mind very retarded at that point. i hate saying stuff like that, but you can just ask amy, i was very very very slow.
after amy's mom picked her up to take her back to galveston, i slept most of the afternoon away and then went to julie dee's farewell party with lacy and patrick. i think this is my second east side backyard party this summer (dylan's birthday was a couple weekends ago-- they had a misting system!), and even though there are bugs and it gets pretty steamy, i like them. it is pretty much how i would have imagined myself at this age; in a dress, having casual drinks in the summer night, lit by twinkly christmas lights. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Two days in a row I happened to read my horoscope in the paper, not something I do regularly (i mean sometimes i read my weekly on nerve.com). The past two days' have me so confused that I might start reading it more, just to see exactly how full of shit they are.
Tuesday's was like, "question yourself, what you think you know might just be you trying to fool yourself."
Today's said something along the lines of, "don't listen to friends or neighbors or co-workers, because even if they are well meaning, you should only listen to yourself."
I mean are they trying to fuck with my head or what? I thought horoscopes were supposed to be a loose guidance of how to make decisions, or at the very least, a lark to kind of keep in mind. But this? This is ridiculous. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| this is my first evening home in a week, and it's been about as long since i've eaten a meal in my apartment. even tonight, when i had a couple hours to spare, i took alex up on dinner out-- another meal out, geez. i wanted to believe i had the energy to go to the grocery store to buy food to make and eat, but i knew i wouldn't do it. all of the food in my refrigerator is either well on its way to rotten, or doesn't comprise a meal. i think right now the only valid sustenance in there is frozen peas, string cheese and green tea ginger ale. a couple weeks ago i had a fridge stocked with fruit, a big flat of blueberries, a smaller box of raspberries, apples, pears, peaches and cherries, but i've since eaten them all.
so no time on my hands has meant eating out for meals, either rushed ones between activities, a quick sandwich or salad grabbed for lunch; even my breakfasts have been either slim fast shakes or a bagel with my am coffee. it gets to you. as much as going to restaurants is fun (though probably not fun on my wallet, after this week), i take comfort in knowing exactly what is in my food. i know exactly how good or bad it is for me, and unlike a restaurant, i don't finish off my dish with a pat of butter.
so this week i've had things like chicken larb (w/jenelle), fish with plaintains (w/aaron), burgers (w/ alex and kristen), cobb salads, green chile cheese grits/pea + squash + mushroom gratin/seafood pozole/espresso panna cotta + cookies, etc, etc, etc...omg, it has been a globe-trotting gastronomical adventure. my stomach's conscience cannot handle it all. this dictates a trip to the farmer's mkt this weekend for sure, provided i stay away from the sticky toffee pudding lady's stand. (oh, her individual quiches and scones!)
work has been hard, hard, HARD, and i cannot believe that i let it break me down this morning. i sat there, tears streaming down my cheeks silently, trying to pull myself together. nobody would have been the wiser, until people came by to talk and check to see how the project was going. i faced my computer screen, thinking that if they couldn't see my face, i'd be okay, that they wouldn't know. but i couldn't get one word out of my mouth without giving it away. my breath was jagged, and my words stuttered. i'd try to take deep breaths to start over, but i couldn't. it was horrible, and incredibly embarrassing. things had just been building up too long, and i hadn't handled my feelings properly, i guess. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| tonight i bought 8 pairs of cute underwear, ate a pretzel while walking through the mall, and cried during Sex in the City. epic, and it felt good. that is probably the most amount of underwear i've ever bought at one time, and they even tied a ribbon on the bag, just to make it even girlier!
tomorrow i will be camping at enchanted rock, where i hope to hone and discover any tough girl skills i have, while also doing fun me things like reading magazines and cooking. i think i will take my ribbon camping.
update: and now tomorrow tomorrow (sunday) i am going to saks right after getting back from camping to help alex do some dress shopping! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| |
|
girl, you know it's true.
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
iwearchinesefro's journal